- .Are you feeling burnt-out?
- Lacking in resilience?
- Lacking in purpose?
- Do you feel a bit stuck in a rut?
- Do you feel lost, or directionless?
- Do you feel as if something is missing, but you’re not sure what?
- Are you dissatisfied with your life?
- Feel like you don’t know what you want out of life?
Self-care is very different for different people. It can even be very different for the same person at different times in their life, or in different situations. Sometimes, its all about a bubble bath, candles and a good book or favourite piece of relaxing music. For others, or at a different time, self-care might look more like making time for a run or a gym session. Sometimes its pizza and chocolate on the sofa, other times it's preparing a healthy, nutritious meal.
The old saying is "You can't pour from an empty cup." Practising self-care is first of all about realising you need to do something that is going to fill your cup in that moment. And then secondly about choosing the most appropriate thing to do that will fulfil that need in this moment.
Sometimes in life, we just feel a little bit stuck, or directionless. It’s not that there’s necessarily even anything WRONG, it just doesn’t feel quite RIGHT. This often happens when we’ve lost connection with what is important to us, what we’re passionate about, who we really are as people.
It might feel like you’d plodding along on the treadmill of life, but you can’t stop it, or get off, or even pause – if feels like you’re moving, but you’re when you look up for a moment, you’re stuck in the same place.
The NLP Diploma helps to find these answers – we explore our personal values, what makes us tick, what makes us feel connected, contented, peaceful. It can also teach you important skills to learn resilience. For me, resilience comes in two different types.
There’s right now, in-the-moment, the-shit-has-hit-the-fan challenges, where we need immediate resilience to deal with what is happening in front of us. This could be a difficult conversation with a colleague, friend or family member, or an incident that happens and needs to be dealt with, or even when we’ve got a lot of do in a short amount of time and feel overwhelmed.
And there’s also resilience over time, when we are faced with an energy-sapping, drawn-out difficult period. This could include things like health problems, a difficult boss or colleague that you have to work with, a relationship which is feeling a bit arduous, or financial problems. Sometimes, it can be nothing at all that we can pinpoint, but just a feeling of needing to keep on going but without much energy or joy.
What makes us feel like this?
Some of the coaching skills and questions covered on the course can help you to work out exactly what is going on for you, and start setting an outcome for how you want things to be different. You’ll explore where you might be feeling conflicts, both internal and external, and ways to feel more at peace.
When we feel stuck in a rut, this can often impact our mental health. The course looks at ways to manage or change your emotional state. This is immensely helpful in those situations in the moment, where you need more resilience, or confidence, or motivation, or even something like more calm.
Would you believe me if I said you are far more in control of how you feel than you currently think?
It’s true. You are able to take control of your emotional state in any given moment and change it to something that is more resourceful for you. And the good news is there’s lots and lots of different ways to do this, so you’ve always got a little trick or tool available to you!
Emotional state management is based on one of the NLP Presuppositions: Your mind and your body are connected, if you change one, you’ll change the other. We explore this connection and look at how changing just one thing can make a huge different in the way that you feel.
This could be your body position, the language you use, your own internal self-talk, the way you think about something, the way you walk; (and lots more) can impact the way you feel about yourself. Even something as simple as changing your breathing speed can make a big difference.
Have you ever noticed how when you close your eyes and think about something scary, or overwhelming, it tends to a appear as a vision, right up close in front of your face? It fills your whole field of vision, and is bright and big and, well, in your face. No wonder it’s scary and overwhelming!
Even simple thinks like taking control of the image, and making it smaller, changing it to black and white, moving it away from you, can make a big difference to how you feel about it. You can even imagine folding up the picture, and putting it in a match box. You could toss the matchbox in the bin. Or out the window. (Make sure there’s a bin out the window too – we don’t want littering!)
(Please note this course is not a substitute for professional help if that’s what is needed, but it can sit nicely alongside counselling, medication or one-to-one coaching, as well as for people who just need a bit of support.)
One of the biggest long-term takeaways I’ve learnt from studying NLP is the NLP Presuppositions. These are a set of phrases which can become a way of thinking – they can make a really big difference in your approach to life, to forgiveness, to understanding (rather than defending) They are also sometimes referred to as the NLP Beliefs of Excellence.
One example is “There’s a positive intention behind every behaviour.” I’ve found that useful in so many situations. Firstly, it helped me to understand (and forgive) the boss I was working for, who I found really challenging and who had a big emotional impact on me. The saying helps you to look for the motivation behind the behaviour.
While that motivation may not necessarily have a positive intention for you, it WILL have a positive intention to the person doing the behaviour.
For my boss, my guesses were he often came across as rude and direct in his communication, as he himself was feeling under a lot of pressure and this helped him let off steam. He had a huge, high profile agenda dumped on him shortly after taking on the job which lead him to working long hours. He expected the same of his team (with little understanding of childcare, family, or sleep needs!) but this was likely because he wanted to deliver on his targets and couldn’t do it alone. It was the biggest thing in his life, and I don’t think he could understand that it wasn’t the biggest thing in other people’s.
So, while I’ve not been in his exact situation, I have certainly felt under pressure and may have let of steam in a way that came across as direct or rude, and I’ve certainly had big tasks to deliver and felt very alone trying to do it, and wished for support and not understood that someone else I was working with had other priorities.
On the NLP Diploma course, we spent time exploring the NLP Presuppositions and how they can help you change your mindset to be more positive. This bunch of phrases, and the meaning behind them has really made a big change in the way I approach difficult situations, and life in general!
The other common topic in self-care is around boundaries. Many of us know we ‘should’ be doing more things to help us ‘fill up our cup’ (you can’t pour from an empty cup….) and we want to do more, but we then find ourselves without time, money, energy or all three! This is where setting boundaries can come in really handy.
Or it might be setting boundaries with someone else – a partner, your family, a friend, that a certain time of the week is for you to do your thing. In our house, it’s locked into the diary that Tuesday nights are for me to go to choir practice (something that is both uplifting and meditative for me) while Phil does bath and bedtime for Maisie. When there is something he wants to do, that time is locked in too.
It sounds really simple, but many people struggle setting and sticking to boundaries. This takes:
- Knowing what you want/need to do for self-care (everyone is different) – sometimes a bit of self-discovery around what you need or value can be useful
- Setting it as a goal and making a commitment to it yourself
- Communication (if someone else is involved) to get the support you need to uphold the boundary
- Accountability – holding yourself (and others) accountable to what you’ve agreed to do
The NLP Diploma can help with all of these things – there are tools to help you understand your own values (and which ones aren’t currently being met.) There’s the Well-Formed Outcomes process that helps you to cement your goal. There’s lots on communicating with other people, and things like the NLP Feedback Process to help hold discussions around how it’s going. There’s also techniques like the New Behaviour Generator that can help you to mentally rehearse your new habit until it becomes a certainty it will happen, rather than just a dream or something on your wishlist.
How did the NLP Diploma help me?
The problem was I didn’t really know what I wanted to do differently! After 4 days studying the NLP Diploma, I had gotten a great big kick up the backside. I wrote my letter of resignation on the day I finished the course and had significantly developed ideas for my own business combining the 2 things I’m passionate about, helping others, and mountains. The relationship improved with some self-awareness and increased communication (also due to the course content – but ultimately ended a year or so later – coinciding with my journey through NLP Master Practitioner!)
Your path will no doubt be different to this, but it’s a great example of how the course can help you find the confidence and courage to take action to make your own situation better. If you’re feeling any of these things:
- Stuck in a rut
- A bit ‘meh’
- In need of self-care
If you are interested to find out more about how the NLP Diploma could help you discover your purpose, or to book your place now, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or on 07757 542956.
You can book a place directly at Change Your Life with NLP (4-day Diploma)