When we put our mind to a goal, even one we’re really passionate about, there’s normally one of three barriers that might stop us.
We have to overcome these barriers to achieve our goal fully. I wanted to share my experience of facing resistance via one of these barriers recently.
The 3 barriers are Possibility, Ability and Worthiness – read more about them below….
Possibility
Firstly, to achieve any goal, we have to believe it is possible. Initially, we need to believe it is possible, in the world, for someone, anyone, to achieve it.
Secondly, we need to believe, therefore, in some way, that it is possible for us.
We have to overcome these barriers to achieve our goal fully. I wanted to share my experience of facing resistance via one of these barriers recently.
The 3 barriers are Possibility, Ability and Worthiness – read more about them below….
Possibility
Firstly, to achieve any goal, we have to believe it is possible. Initially, we need to believe it is possible, in the world, for someone, anyone, to achieve it.
Secondly, we need to believe, therefore, in some way, that it is possible for us.
| For years, runners had been trying to break the 4-minute mile – the previous time record had stood for 9 years. When Roger Bannister finally achieved it in May 1954 with a time of 3 minutes 59.4 seconds, the record only stood for 46 days. |  |
In the months that followed, many athletes also broke through the 4-minute mile barrier. It is now the standard time for top level athletes to achieve.
When Roger Bannister finally achieved the sub-4-minute mile, it proved that it was Possible, thus breaking down the first mental barrier for many other athletes to achieve the same thing.
If it is possible in the world, then it’s possible for me, if only I discover the ‘how.’
Ability
The next mental barrier we need to break through is to believe that we, ourselves, can do it. This could be a case of learning how to do something, or persevering through failed attempts to keep trying until we succeed.
There is a solution to every problem.
When Roger Bannister finally achieved the sub-4-minute mile, it proved that it was Possible, thus breaking down the first mental barrier for many other athletes to achieve the same thing.
If it is possible in the world, then it’s possible for me, if only I discover the ‘how.’
Ability
The next mental barrier we need to break through is to believe that we, ourselves, can do it. This could be a case of learning how to do something, or persevering through failed attempts to keep trying until we succeed.
There is a solution to every problem.
Thomas Edison is a great example of this, with his invention of the lightbulb.
While other inventors had previously produced electric lights, these bulbs had very short lifespan and were extremely extensive to produce, and were therefore not commercially viable.
For over a year, Edison worked on creating a long-lasting light bulb, with many failed attempts – he tested over 3000 different filaments to find one that worked as he wanted. For each attempt, he simply looked at it as a learning process, of discovering another way that it wouldn’t work, and taking what feedback he could to improve the process for the next attempt.
There’s no failure, only feedback.
By believing that we can do it, by persevering, and continually adapting our habits and learning new skills, success becomes highly likely.
While other inventors had previously produced electric lights, these bulbs had very short lifespan and were extremely extensive to produce, and were therefore not commercially viable.
For over a year, Edison worked on creating a long-lasting light bulb, with many failed attempts – he tested over 3000 different filaments to find one that worked as he wanted. For each attempt, he simply looked at it as a learning process, of discovering another way that it wouldn’t work, and taking what feedback he could to improve the process for the next attempt.
There’s no failure, only feedback.
By believing that we can do it, by persevering, and continually adapting our habits and learning new skills, success becomes highly likely.
Worthiness
Once we have broken through the first two barriers, there’s just one tough nut to crack, and this seems to be the most common, deep-seated resistance for most of my coaching clients.
“I deserve it”
I experienced this barrier myself last year. Since running Wellbeing retreats with Lindsey, who introduced me to the joy of yoga, I have now taken up regular yoga at a studio, and decided to invest in a month’s pass at a yoga studio to enable me to do as many classes as I liked.
This came at a time when money was tight – I had just separated from my partner, so my mortgage and bills had doubled as I was now living along, and it was the end of a long winter season with little winter work due to the lack of snow, before the more prosperous summer season starts.
Once we have broken through the first two barriers, there’s just one tough nut to crack, and this seems to be the most common, deep-seated resistance for most of my coaching clients.
“I deserve it”
I experienced this barrier myself last year. Since running Wellbeing retreats with Lindsey, who introduced me to the joy of yoga, I have now taken up regular yoga at a studio, and decided to invest in a month’s pass at a yoga studio to enable me to do as many classes as I liked.
This came at a time when money was tight – I had just separated from my partner, so my mortgage and bills had doubled as I was now living along, and it was the end of a long winter season with little winter work due to the lack of snow, before the more prosperous summer season starts.
My first yoga class at the studio was a Yin Yoga class – a very calm type of yoga involving gentle stretching, relaxing and releasing into each pose, rather than pushing yourself to find an edge as you do in other types of yoga. Part of the process of yin yoga can also be that it releases emotions, and I found myself in tears throughout the entire hour-long class.
Investing in myself and my own wellbeing after a difficult emotional period of separation felt really overwhelming. The little voices in my head kept trying to tell me that it was too much money to spend on something that wasn’t a necessity, that maybe I should just go out for a run as that’s free (realistically, that’s never going to happen!), that I’m not very good at yoga and was trying to be something I’m not.
In fact, what all these little voices were really trying to say were “I don’t deserve it…..”
I don’t have all the answers on how to get over this barrier. Even the most confident, wonderful people I know seem to be deafened by the same little voice in their head from time to time. Even many top CEOs are documented to suffer from Imposter Syndrome – the feeling that they don’t deserve to be where they are, that they aren’t good enough and that they will get ‘found out.’
So what did I do?
I took the ‘fake it til you make it’ approach - I acted as though I did feel I deserved it.
I became a person who deserved to own an expensive yoga pass. I went to the studio as often as I could, often doing two classes a day to make the most of the investment I’d made.
I got up at 6.30am to make a 7am Sunrise Yoga class (for those of you that know me, you’ll appreciate what a huge change this is from my 10.30am natural wake-up time!) I gently encouraged myself to progress, on my own journey, and not compare myself to those around me who were bending into each pose in what seemed like an impossible manner for me.
And little by little, I saw improvement - from not being able to touch my toes a month before, I could now put my hands flat on the floor without bending my knees. My wellbeing improved – both physically through exercise, and mentally, through the meditative practices within yoga. Through getting up much earlier and doing exercise first thing, I found an extra 2 hours in my day, even after doing an hour of exercise and used this time both to work on my business, and also to do things I enjoyed, like playing the piano.
In short, I proved to myself that I deserved to spend money on something that made me feel good, that made me feel worthy. The very act of investing in myself boosted me to become more worthy.
It’s an upward spiral that can start anywhere – invest in yourself because you deserve it......deserve it because you invest in yourself.
So, I invite you to think…….what can you do to invest in yourself today that will made you feel good?
By feeling good, you will feel more deserving and therefore invest in yourself some more. It doesn’t need to be monetary…..investment can be taking an opportunity, taking time for yourself, doing something you’ve always wanted to do, learning new skills….sometimes even doing nothing at all.
Think of a goal, something you’d like to achieve or do…….
It’s Possible, You Can Do It, You Deserve It!
If you'd like to invest in yourself and make that goal happen - check out the retreats I run as www.reachthepeak.co.uk
Investing in myself and my own wellbeing after a difficult emotional period of separation felt really overwhelming. The little voices in my head kept trying to tell me that it was too much money to spend on something that wasn’t a necessity, that maybe I should just go out for a run as that’s free (realistically, that’s never going to happen!), that I’m not very good at yoga and was trying to be something I’m not.
In fact, what all these little voices were really trying to say were “I don’t deserve it…..”
I don’t have all the answers on how to get over this barrier. Even the most confident, wonderful people I know seem to be deafened by the same little voice in their head from time to time. Even many top CEOs are documented to suffer from Imposter Syndrome – the feeling that they don’t deserve to be where they are, that they aren’t good enough and that they will get ‘found out.’
So what did I do?
I took the ‘fake it til you make it’ approach - I acted as though I did feel I deserved it.
I became a person who deserved to own an expensive yoga pass. I went to the studio as often as I could, often doing two classes a day to make the most of the investment I’d made.
I got up at 6.30am to make a 7am Sunrise Yoga class (for those of you that know me, you’ll appreciate what a huge change this is from my 10.30am natural wake-up time!) I gently encouraged myself to progress, on my own journey, and not compare myself to those around me who were bending into each pose in what seemed like an impossible manner for me.
And little by little, I saw improvement - from not being able to touch my toes a month before, I could now put my hands flat on the floor without bending my knees. My wellbeing improved – both physically through exercise, and mentally, through the meditative practices within yoga. Through getting up much earlier and doing exercise first thing, I found an extra 2 hours in my day, even after doing an hour of exercise and used this time both to work on my business, and also to do things I enjoyed, like playing the piano.
In short, I proved to myself that I deserved to spend money on something that made me feel good, that made me feel worthy. The very act of investing in myself boosted me to become more worthy.
It’s an upward spiral that can start anywhere – invest in yourself because you deserve it......deserve it because you invest in yourself.
So, I invite you to think…….what can you do to invest in yourself today that will made you feel good?
By feeling good, you will feel more deserving and therefore invest in yourself some more. It doesn’t need to be monetary…..investment can be taking an opportunity, taking time for yourself, doing something you’ve always wanted to do, learning new skills….sometimes even doing nothing at all.
Think of a goal, something you’d like to achieve or do…….
It’s Possible, You Can Do It, You Deserve It!
If you'd like to invest in yourself and make that goal happen - check out the retreats I run as www.reachthepeak.co.uk
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