Firstly, lets look at the skill of coaching. What is coaching at its essence?

Coaching is the skill of helping someone to change something. And more specifically, helping them to change something that they can’t, or haven’t, changed by themselves.

In additional to professional coaches, those that get paid money to coach, many people also act as coaches in their working life to direct reports or colleagues, and in their home life to children, friends and partners. Some will also have a hobby that involves coaching others, such as sports, arts, or music.

This blog explores why NLP is the perfect skill set for professional coaches.

​On a very basic level, coaching is the ability to provide someone with time and space to review their situation and explore their options – time and space that individuals often struggle to give themselves. This can be at least 50% of the value from a coaching session.

Just look at the success of Nancy Kline’s Time to Think method, which I studied on my NLP Master Practitioner – in this method, a coach might only ask one or two questions in an hour’s session and some or all of the session might be conducted in silence!

Even this approach takes the impressive skill of building rapport quickly to enable the client to feel comfortable, trusting, open and honest.

While lots of other coaching qualifications will cover great models and theories, not many spend time and energy looking into the science of building rapport, the differences between shallow and deep rapport, how to increase rapport ethically, and with an intention of building a deeper connection and safe space for your client (and certainly not for manipulation, as can be taught on some sales courses!)

Learning how to build effective rapport to a deep level is at the heart of NLP as a field of study and is covered from Day 1 of the course.

On top of providing time, connection and a safe space, a good NLP coach is doing a number of things:

1. Helping their client to think differently about their situation
2. Helping their client to break down limiting beliefs
3. Helping their client to brainstorm ideas and /or narrow down ideas
4. Providing accountability

​I’ll explore each one below. 
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Through questions, reflections, and using some set models and techniques, such as Perceptual Positions, or Dilt’s Neuro-Logical Levels, a good NLP coach can assist their client to consider their situation differently, such as:

• considering someone else’s point of view
• using a model or structure to organise their thoughts
  
• using techniques to extend their thoughts beyond what they’ve already thought of – further into the future, or beyond initial resolution of problem.
  
• realising a connection between seemingly separate thoughts or situations, which may be where the solution lies
  
• reframing negatives into positives, and occasionally, ideology into reality

Limiting beliefs can be about yourself, or about other people, or how the world works. Limiting beliefs take many forms, but they all have the same thing in common – the person believes them to be true and it is in some way limiting them: their success, their happiness.

These beliefs have a positive intention to keep us safe and operating in our comfort zone. But in reality, they put boundaries and limitations on what we can achieve, or how we experience life, and often result in us discounting an opportunity or solution before we’ve even given it a chance. In many instances, they make us unhappy. 

Examples of limiting beliefs are:

• You can’t trust anybody
• You have to be manipulative to be good at sales
• I’m not good at speaking to audiences
• I’ll never be a runner
• You’ll only be successful if you work really long hours
• I need to be in a relationship to be happy
• I’m not good enough to do…XYZ
• I don’t deserve happiness

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A good NLP coach can support a client to:

• Realise the belief is just a belief….it’s not the truth
• Install a new, more empowering belief
• Overcome whatever inner chatter is holding them back
• Work with the client’s unconscious to break down the false belief
• Build confidence and resilience
• Increase motivation
• Find a model of excellence – someone who has done or achieved something similar, that the client can use as inspiration and proof it can be done

​More choice is better than no choice. This is one of the NLP presuppositions and underpins the NLP approach to coaching. Being stuck with the feeling that there is no choice at all is very common in clients that seek coaching.

Yes, finding one solution is a great outcome. Even better is to identify a choice of solutions, so that the client feels empowered to pick the ‘best’ solution, and know that there are other positive outcomes if Plan A doesn’t work out.

I often work with my clients to get to a point where whichever option they choose, the outcome is a desirable one. It takes the pressure off to find the ‘only,’ or ‘perfect,’ solution, knowing that actually, any of the options you pick are a good way to go.

On the flip side, suffering from TMIS (Too Many Ideas Syndrome) can be paralysing in its own way. Having so many options that it feels impossible to choose between them, or to narrow down the choice is overwhelming and equally makes you feel stuck.
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A good NLP coach can help by:

• Exploring a client’s personal values to pinpoint exactly what is important to them
• Use an idea-generation tool to come up with as many options as possible (without getting limited by assessing the options for desirability or achievability.)
• Using a technique such as the Decision-Making Compass to decide between two or more options

 

​Taking Action is one of the Pillars of NLP. Without taking action, there’s a danger of just holding a talking shop of idea, but where nothing actually changes. There are two types of people when it comes to accountability (if you look through the lens of NLP metaprogrammes.)

There are those that promise themselves that they will do something, and promptly go off and do it. These people are Internally Accountable, and answer only to themselves. The fact they have committed to themselves to do something means it is done.

However, a lot of the population are Externally Accountable. This means that committing to themselves is not enough – tasks just simply don’t get done, or someone else’s agenda takes priority over your own. These people need to talk their goals and actions out loud, and commit to another person that they will do something, and know that the other person will follow up and challenge them if they don’t do it.
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A good NLP coach can provide an excellent accountability partner by following up on the actions that the client commits to, and helping to troubleshoot and problem solve, if it doesn’t happen. Of course, sometimes life genuinely gets in the way of us doing what we said we would, but a good coach can help sort out the excuses from the genuine reasons, and work with whatever deeper is holding you back from achieving what you said you wanted to. 

NLP is the perfect skill set for a professional coach, both for those just starting out as a coach, and for those already working as a coach and wanting to undertake some CPD, to expand their existing coaching skills, explore their use of language in helping their clients achieve their outcomes, in addition to learning more models, tools and techniques to use.

If you’d like to learn more about NLP and add it to your coaching skill set, take a look at:

NLP Diploma - a 4-day course covering all the skills you need to start coaching, or revisiting the foundations of coaching skills

NLP Practitioner. - a 16-day course full of tools, techniques and models, as well as ways to use your language, with purpose, for different outcomes.

Or simply Contact Us to explore your options. 

NLP has many uses. One of my favourite things to do it using NLP is to help clients find their direction and purpose.

It sounds simple, right? Like something we should all know?

But often, we lose sight of what we’re about. We get caught up in the daily grind.
Often, we end up in a situation that we just, ‘fell into’ by accident.

Sure, it brings in the money, and its ‘okay,’ but does it really fulfil us?

Is it really want we were ‘meant’ to do with our life?

For most of us, the answer is “no, not really.”
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There are a few reasons why we get stuck in a job or career that doesn’t really suit us – here’s some examples:

• Doing an apprenticeship/graduate scheme/work experience and being offered a permanent job – it’s an easy option to take. Suddenly, you’re still there 5 years later.
• Being expected to go to university because that’s what all your family has done OR
• Not being expected to go to university because no-one in your family has been
• Doing a ‘sensible’ job that pays the mortgage even if it’s not your dream
• Going into a field that your parents/teachers/careers advisor thought suited you
• Being scared of taking a risk to follow your dream career
• Getting sucked into the ‘golden handcuffs’ trap of many a corporate job – company car, private medical insurance, annual bonus, good salary – suddenly, you feel you can’t live without all these things.
• Continuing in a job because that’s what you trained for, even though you don’t enjoy it anymore.
• Starting out following your dream, but talking yourself down from it before you even try, so that you’re doing a watered-down version that feels ‘safer.’ E.g. working in an art shop, rather than selling your work as an artist.

Below, I’ll share my own story. This is the story of how I got stuck in a career that was ‘okay’ but was actually making me miserable. And how NLP really helped me become clear on my direction, purpose and principles.

There are many different ways that NLP can help. For some people, they know exactly what they want to do, they are just too scared to do it.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of financial insecurity.

Fear of failure.

Fear of success even.

For those people, its about courage. Finding your inner courage and reigniting the confidence inside you to just go DO IT.   

There are other people who really don’t know what they want to do. They just know that what they are doing now definitely isn’t it.

For these people, it's about exploring themselves. Discovering their personal values – what is really important to them?

What makes them feel fulfilled? Satisfied? Excited? Alive?

What are they passionate about, and driven by?

From this, an idea or two (or many) of what you could do will become immediately clearer.  

Once you know what you want to do, there’s also a lot that NLP can do to help as well.
 
Such as breaking down the limiting beliefs that you hold about yourself, like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do it.”

Mindset changes to focus on learning from mistakes rather than focussing on the feeling of failing, as just one example. 

Ways to tune into your gut instinct, which, lets face it, is normally spot on. 

Tools to make difficult decisions quickly, while still tapping into all the information you’ve got to make the best decision

Skills to connect more deeply with other people, whether your family and friends (and support system) around you, or your colleagues, or your potential customers.

Questions to help you think differently, to consider angles you’ve not thought of before

Processes to reframe experiences into something more resourceful.

Ways to forgive yourself (and others) for past blunders.

There’s also the importance of turning your dream into a Well-Formed Outcome. By setting a clear goal, aligning it with your personal values, imagining yourself achieving it, considering some of the barriers you might face and how you’ll overcome them – you have a tangible, obtainable goal, with a clear first step to take as well.

​Without this, your dream will stay exactly that. A dream. 

I’m going to tell you the story of how I ended up working in banking, before I started my own business, just as an example of how you can fall into job.

At school, I was always very academic – I did well in all my subjects, and pretty much had an open choice of what I wanted to do. I choose my A-level subject on a basis of what I enjoyed doing, and which teachers I liked the most (although my favourite teacher had the audacity to leave over the summer before I’d even started!)

Going to university was simply expected of me. My parents had both been. My brother had gone two years before me. It’s what all the teachers expected of me. I’m not saying it was a wrong choice, I loved university and got loads out of it. But, simply as an example, no-one spoke to me about anything different, like starting my own business or being an entrepreneur, or doing a more practical job. I was expected I would go to university and get a ‘good, proper job.’

Fair enough, I did pick a subject based on what I enjoyed – I studied Psychology and Sociology, because I was interested in people, so that’s a positive. In my later years, I mentored a girl who was just choosing her further education options. She decided to study accountancy, despite stating she found it boring, as it was a well-paid field and her parents thought it was a great idea. What she desperately wanted to do was be a dance teacher.

Now, we do need a reality check on our dreams. Not everyone can be a premiership footballer, or a chart-topping singer song-writer. But so many of us don’t even try for our dreams as we’re too scared of failing, or those around us make a plea for us to do something safer, as they are too scared of us failing. I often wonder if that girl is still in accountancy now.

At the end of university, I knew a few things I didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to study any further, I couldn’t imagine doing a PhD. I didn’t want to be a clinical psychology (you needed a PhD for starters) and I didn’t want to work in academia. Knowing what you don’t want is a good thing! It discounts some options.
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The problem was, I had no idea what I DID want to do! I went to the careers service, and was recommended HR, as the people side of business. It seemed a good fit. My brother, two years ahead of me, had applied to graduate schemes, so this seemed like a good, well-paid option to choose. I applied to companies almost at random, based on their pay scale and reputation, from a somewhat limited selection in mid-financial crash; Shell, BT, Rolls-Royce, Lloyds Banking Group, among others. 

And so, I started the HR Graduate scheme at LBG. And don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed it. I found it interesting. I learnt loads that will stand me in good stead throughout the rest of my life.

But was it what I was ‘meant’ to do? No. Was it my absolute passion in life? No. Was it making me miserable by the end? Yes.

The first sign of change was a chance encounter in a lift. I was seeing a lady out of the building after a meeting. She was a coach and personal development trainer we’d hired to run a leadership session at the bank. In the 20 seconds or so that it took for the lift to go down, she simply asked me

“So, what do you really want to do with your life?”

I still have no idea what made her ask me such an important question in such a short moment. I was so taken aback, I just blurted out a truth that I’d never really given much thought to, as it seemed so impossible. I can’t remember the exact words I said, but it was something like:

“I’d love to run my own centre in the mountains helping people.”

“Oh,” she said, “you should contact my friend Sarah. That’s what she does.”

Fast forward a few months, and I’d spoken to Sarah on the phone, and then attended one of her ‘netwalking’ meetups and met a load of like-minded people, including a couple of NLP coaches who generously practiced their skills with me. I was intrigued. Not just by the answers coming out of me, but by their skills, the way they made me think differently, feel more confident, feel supported and believed in. I wanted some of what they had.

I looked into NLP courses. It actually took me 3 tries to find one I liked. I tried two ‘taster’ days with two different trainers. My experience of both was that the content was really fascinated, but that the trainers were on a bit of an ego trip and out to manipulate rather than help.

Then I found my trainer Madeleine, who I connected with straight away just from what she’d written on her website. My gut instinct knew she was right for me, and the course was right for me, and I signed up straight away. This was my first lesson is following my gut instinct – how right it proved to be.  

When I booked the course, I was still pondering that perhaps it would just be good personal development for my job in the bank, and would help me progress. By the time the course came around a few months later, I’d gone from mildly unhappy, to desperate to escape. I was feeling trapped by the golden handcuffs of all the benefits of working in a bank, and also by the idea that I had no idea what I wanted to do, or what else I could do.

But of course, I did have some idea. Remember the lift lady? I didn’t know exactly, but I knew I loved mountains, and I knew I loved helping, supporting and nurturing people. I just didn’t have the confidence or courage to go there yet.

That quickly changed. By the end of the 4-day course, I had a clear direction and purpose. Through exploring my values, I knew what really inspired me and made me feel a deep sense of fulfilment. Through some of the tools we explored, I found my confidence, hiding deep down, squashed by a few years of working in what I experienced as a toxic environment.

I found my courage, to just go and start my own business, an option I’d never really actually considered as an option before. I had worked through my goal, fleshing it out in as much detail as I knew, making achieving it real for my senses, knowing what I’d see, hear and feel when I got there.
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I had also started the journey towards learning a valuable toolbox of ‘stuff’ that I could use to help people. Picture of my first foray into business below - a group coaching walk in the Pentlands. 

The next day after the course finished, I returned to work and handed in my notice. I’d gone from feeling desperate, trapped and miserable, to having hope, direction and purpose.

I see this journey time and again through my coaching clients and NLP students. The tools, techniques and general approach of NLP are so powerful to help you become the person you were meant to be. To follow your passions and dreams. To find your confidence and courage. To help you say “Yes, I can!” and “I believe in myself.“

That was my story. I’m now 9 years into running my own successful business, and its growing, changing and developing all the time as my priorities shift and change, and I discover more about myself. NLP helps me every day to make decisions about what to do.

What’s your story?

What might it develop into if you came on an NLP course?

Sign up now and find out. 
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NLP 2-day Taster - try it out and discover if it's a what you want to do

Change Your Life with NLP (4-day Diploma) - the 4-day course that changed it all for me!

​NLP Practitioner - the ultimate NLP course to gain a toolbox full of 'stuff' to help others (and yourself!)
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​When was the last time you had an adventure? What type of adventure was it?

Adventures come in many different forms. Mine are often nature-based, or outdoor-based of some kind - a traditional pursuit of 'adventurous hobbies' if you like. But running my own business, designing and launching new offerings, becoming a mum, and working on making future life plans happen also all feel like An Adventure.

So what is it that makes something an adventure? For me, part of what makes something feel adventurous is the combination of excitement and anticipation, with a slight tinge of fear or apprehension. Everyone has a different level of what makes an 'adventure.' For some, a nice walk in the Pentlands would simply be a Sunday afternoon stroll. For others, that's an adventure. For some, a trip into town on the bus is just commuting. For others, its an adventure! It doesn't matter what level you're at, or where your adventures take place, there's an adventure out there for you!

Spending time with Maisie has made me realise that toddlers have an adventure every time they leave the house. Everything is exciting! 'Look, a bus!', 'A robin!' 'What's that?!', 'A pigeon!', 'Ants!', 'Ooooh, a flower!' 'A stick!', 'A bottle top!' Literally everything is exciting. 

And at some point, we grow up. We lose that sense of adventure in every day life. It must be some combination of having seen it all before, not even seeing it this time (head in phone as you're walking along perhaps?), and being a bit old and jaded. I love walks with Maisie, as it really gets me to appreciate everything through a new set of eyes. 

​This weekend, Phil and I took Maisie to join a mountaineering club meet in Dalwhinnie. (Yes, we were grateful they agreed to have a toddler join the meet!) 

Even taking her together as a couple, rather than one of us going alone, felt like a step back towards a previous normality, when we'd think nothing of just packing everything in the car and heading off for a weekend adventure. And this was truly going to be an adventure. 

Now, every outing out of the house has a tendency to feel like an expedition, with nappy bags, spare clothes, snacks, a choice of two prams (off road and huge, or lightweight and dinky.) and a 15-minute negotiation/fight to get said toddler dressed for the outdoors - and that's just to go out to Lidl around the corner. 

So when Phil said that the mountain he's got left to do in that area requires a bike ride down a track into it before you even start climbing, I was a little apprehensive. That sounds like a Big Day Out. With multiple ways it could go wrong (see my previous email about getting 4 punctures on an hour-long bike ride....)

But then I remembered that I'm a Strong Adventurous Woman. And that toddlers are just small people who can do pretty much anything the big people can do, with the right clothes and equipment. And with the added advantage that this particular toddler is the offspring of two Strong Adventurous Parents and we're all a bit bonkers sometimes. 

And so we planned an actual grown-up adventure out in the mountains. Fair enough, for the two of us adults, it would have been an adventure of moderate rating. With a toddler in tow, it was suddenly an Expedition. 

r​We loaded up the car, drove for an hour down a remote road to the middle of nowhere, and then started to prepare to leave. Bikes off the roof, trailer set up, toddler wrapped in multiple layers, enough snacks for about 6 days and we were off. 

The track turned out to be 'quite bumpy.' Poor Maisie was bounced around a fair bit, and varied between wailing inconsolably, shouting 'get out' and singing 'the people on the bus bounce up and down.' She tolerated the hour-long cycle fairly well overall, and even agreed that she enjoyed it when I asked her. (A toddler's word should never been taken as truth though, she also told me she'd flown on an aeroplane that morning, and I know that isn't true!)

A quick stop for Lunch Number 1 at the bothy, and we locked the bikes up and loaded up the backpacks. For some reason, I got the joy of carrying our 11kg toddler (as well as towing her trailer as the trailer attachment was 'already on my bike.') while Phil carried the snacks, water, and spare clothes (which was also fairly heavy despite having eaten Lunch 1.)

The backpack is a much happier affair for Maisie. She has always loved it, although we were a little apprehensive about how she'd cope in the first backpack outing since she's started walking herself. Turns out we were serenaded by multiple songs (repeatedly) including some interesting mash-ups. ("The wheels on the bus go round and round, round the twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are, Alllllll Daaaaay Loooooong.")

She also seemed to find my jumping over streams, boggy bits or peat hags hilariously funny! Which was good for all of us, as it was a wet, boggy, peat-haggy kind of walk towards the end. Much cackling laughter was had, even though a few gentle snow showers. She'd laugh, then we'd laugh at her laughing, and then she'd laugh again at us laughing. 

Lunch Number 2 on top, a nap on the way down (for her, I had to keep going with a dead weight slumped on my back,) more singing, and an encounter with a furry, hungry caterpillar. (all caterpillars are hungry apparently.)

Lunch Number 3 at the bottom, which mainly consisted of cake and chocolate by this point, and then the cycle out, which I had been dreading a bit, but turned out to be mostly down hill (I thought it was just the trailer weight making it seem hard on the way up!) Back at the car just before sunset!

What a day! A proper good adventure out. A (mostly) happy toddler who found her own joy in peat hags and bogs, and two knackered but very satisfied parents. It's proved to me that, while little person adventures are great to help me appreciate the joy in ants, beetles, bits of rubbish and whatever other random things she points at, its also good to reconnect with my own sense of adventure - to explore into the unknown, to feel that slight apprehension alongside the excitement. 

So ask yourself, when did you last have an adventure? What could you do to reconnect with your sense of adventure? What adventure is next?

Big or small, get in touch and let me know!

If you'd like help figuring it out, get in touch, or consider some one-to-one coaching, or attending one of the Wellbeing Retreats or personal development courses that I run. 

Happy Adventuring!

Resilience is an interesting thing and doesn’t always show up where you expect it to. Below, I share a story about how tough conditions can actually enable people to have more resilience, mental tough-ness, grit and determination than when the going is comparatively easy. I’ll also share 7 ways that NLP can help to build resilience.

As part of my business, I supervise Duke of Edinburgh expeditions. Some are blessed with wall-to-wall sunshine, while others have been subjected to torrential downpours and waterlogged campsites.

What struck me with surprise is the way groups react to bad weather – they often perform better, both individually and as a team!

When everything is sunny, groups walk slowly. They take long breaks in the sunshine, and often use this time to complain about how hard it is, how their feet hurt, how their rucksack is bruising their shoulders. With multiple and frequent rests, the day drags on and can feel really long.

Compare this to groups walking in bad weather. I observe a heads-down grim determination, a dogged aim to get to the finish at all costs. Breaks are far less frequent – taken only when necessary to eat, drink or adjust clothing. The team often support each other better, encouraging each other and helping each other in the interests of the whole team completing quicker.

It made me reflect - how is true in other parts of life? When things are feeling really tough, perhaps it actually enables you to perform better? That a bit of discomfort can, in fact, trigger determination and commitment to reach an outcome quickly. That when you are needing to do a task that outwardly seems pretty rubbish, that this will in fact encourage you to do it in the quickest, most efficient way possible?

Maybe one to think about next time you’ve got something tough to face?

NLP has a huge number of tools to help us build resilience, and I’ll share them below.

​But first, let’s look at Dictionary.com three definitions of Resilience:

1. "The ability of a material to return to its original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched."

Although talking about materials, this is a great metaphor for how it feels when you’re facing something difficult or challenging! I’m sure we’ve all felt bent, compressed or stretched by life events before.

2. "The ability of a person to adjust to or recover readily from illness, adversity, major life changes, etc."

Notice it doesn’t say “nothing difficult ever happens.” This definition acknowledges that ‘sh*t happens’ to the best of us – it’s how we’re able to deal with it that counts. Also notice that it doesn’t say we have to go back to how things were ‘before.’

​Resilience is the ability to adapt to stuff that happens in our lives, rather than pretending that stuff doesn’t happen. And while the phrase ‘bounce back’ is often applied to being resilient, I think its also equally applicable to ‘bounce forward’ – to go somewhere different and new instead of back to how things were before. 

3. "The ability of a system or organization to respond to or recover readily from a crisis, disruptive process, etc."

Organisations have resilience too. Businesses of all sizes are constantly adapting to market forces and human behaviour. Indeed, the whole UK system (and wider global system) is adapting after a period of turbulent leadership, unstable economics, wars, as well as trying to recover from a global pandemic.

​It’s no wonder that Resilience is a hot topic at the moment!

For me, there’s 2 types of Resilience.

Short-term, in-the-moment resilience is what you need when you’re faced with a challenge right in front of you. Examples might include: being put on the spot in a business meeting; having an argument with a loved one; dealing with an incident or accident, or watching your toddler throw the plate of food you’ve just cooked all over the floor. Any time your fight or flight instincts are switched on. You need some instant resilience to deal calmly and confidently with the situation.
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Long-term, over-time resilience is different. This is needed in situations that are ongoing, continually wearing you down and stressing you out. Examples might include: ongoing stress at work, chronic health problems for you or someone you care for, feeling stuck in a bad relationships or job etc. It’s often the case that any one thing that happens on a given day is easy enough to cope with, but when you pile them all on top of one another, it feels like too much to cope with. 

So, how can NLP help?

The good news is there is a lot you can do to improve your resilience!

Short-term resilience

Change Your State. The very basics of NLP cover how to manage our emotional state to something more resourceful. There are many ways to do this - the simplest is to pause and take a breath. One (or more) deep breaths, with feet stably grounded, can do wonders to put your firmly back in control of yourself, and the situation. Here are some other ways to change your state:

1.Change your body language.
If you’re sitting hunched over, or have your head in your hands, this sends powerful messages to the rest of you that you’re not in control. Sit up straight, or stand tall and strong, or even take a ‘power pose’ – something like Wonder Woman pose, with hands on hips.

2.Model someone or something
If you don’t feel like you have the resources you need to deal with the challenge, consider who does? A confident colleague at work? A friend or loved one? You can even draw inspiration from the animal kingdom and channel the essence of a Lion, or Bear, or  Wise Old Owl. Pick someone or something that has the resources you need. How would they cope right now? What would they do? Model their calm, confident persona and before long, you’ll start to feel it.

3.Change your mind.
When we are faced with something challenging or overwhelming, our internal representations are often overwhelming too. Pictures of the situation in our mind will appear huge and very close to us. Sounds may be deafening and continual. Feelings will feel intense and persistent. Use a simple NLP tool like ‘Shrink the Picture’ to change the way you are representing the problem in your mind. Make the pictures smaller, turn the volume down and less the intensity of feelings – the overwhelm should pass.
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4.Add some self-talk.
Add a little mantra, like “You Can Do This” “You’ve Got This” “Keep breathing” can be really useful to change your thought processes and make you feel like you’ve got a supportive friend, rather than a critical bully (as we often talk to ourselves.) 

Long-term Resilience

1.Change your Mindset. Use the NLP Presuppositions.
While you may not be able to change the situation, the right presupposition can help you to change your mindset about the situation. Here’s just a few I’ve found helpful.

“There’s a Solution to Every Problem” may help move you from a mindset of stuckness into a mindset where you’re able to look for, and notice, solutions.

“There’s a Positive Intention Behind Every Behaviour” may help to bring insight and understanding, and even forgiveness into a difficult relationship. If you’re able to find a value in common with someone, their positive intention, it can help to resolve conflicts, even if their behaviour to meet that value is not ideal.

“There’s No Such Thing As Failure, Only Feedback.” If you’re able to shift your mindset to look for the learning in any difficult situation, you can move forwards from it, embodying a mindset of continual growth rather than failure.

2.Self-Care
The saying goes “You can’t pour from an empty cup” and it’s true.
Self-care looks very different to different people, and also for the same person on different days. It may be a slab of chocolate and a warm bath, or it may be going for a run and cooking a healthy meal. The most important things are to a) tune into what you really need to ‘fill your cup’ right now, and b) set the boundaries with yourself and others around you to make it happen.  
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3.Make a Well-Formed Outcome.
A well-formed outcome makes any goal much more likely to be achieved . It enables you to state a goal in ‘towards’ language, align it with what’s really important to you, explore the ecological impact on you and others, and consider the time, money, effort and opportunity costs in advance. With all this thinking done, you are more committed to the goal, and more able to weather the storm, adapt and deal with any bumps in the road – you know the outcome you want and you’re going for it. 

If you think your organisation or team could benefit from building more resilience, please get in touch to discuss the Resilience workshops that I run. Email me on cat@reachthepeak.co.uk or visit the Contact Us page.

If you're interested in building more resilience for yourself, consider attending the NLP Diploma course. Change Your Life with NLP (4-day Diploma)

• Do you love helping people find solutions to their problems?
• Are you the friend that everyone tells their secrets to and asks advice from?
• Are you fascinated by how people think and learn and solve problems?
• Do you like to see others grow, develop and succeed?
• Perhaps you are already a coach and looking to develop your coaching skillset?

Whether we realise it or not, many of us coach others all the time. Work colleague, team members, our children, our partners, friends and family. We give it our best shot, and I’m sure most of us do a fairly good job, but wouldn’t it be fantastic to be able to do this more purposefully, with skill and intention?

For some people, it may be that you have kids and you’re helping them to learn their independence, navigating the tricky world of friendships and early romantic relationships. You help them to learn new skills (you don’t want to be wiping their bum when they are 20!) and to understand the complexities of the world around them.

The way you speak to them, give them feedback, give them instructions and support them when they are learning will be shaping their self-esteem, confidence and capabilities for their whole future. That’s a big responsibility, eh? The good news is, there’s loads of NLP that can help this be the most positive experience it can be – after all, Linguistics, or the way you use language is in the name (Neuro-Linguistic Programming = NLP.)

For some, it might be a team at work that you manage, or someone you’re helping through a project, or even the colleague who sits next to you and throws in those random ‘what do I do now this has happened…….?’ questions.

Particularly with a new team member, if you just tell them the answer now, they won’t go through the process of figuring out for themselves and so next time, they will just come to you with another similar query. To help someone grow into a role, sometimes you need either let them think it through, with some guiding questions of what to think about, or let them make the mistake and give some high-quality, constructive feedback afterwards.

Many of us may be the friend or family member that everyone else comes to with their problems. It can sometimes be tempting to just tell them what to do, or give them advice from when you were in a similar situation. But a good coach will help them to work out what is right for them to do next, in their own unique situation. They will listen carefully and make a judgement call on the right kind of support to give.

The NLP Diploma, and by extension, the NLP Practitioner is also packed full of tools and techniques that can help out family and friends, from breaking patterns of behaviour like overeating, and nail biting, to helping to make decisions with the Decision-Making Compass, to thinks like the Phobia Cure and achieve their goals with the Well-Formed Outcomes Process.
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Of course, lots of coaches use their expertise to work with paying clients to earn a living, in a range of specialisms.

• Life coaching
• Business coaching
• Executive Coaching
• Sports Coaching
• Relationship Coaching
• Career Coaching
• Performance Coaching
• Health Coaching
• And many more

As a sole income, or sitting alongside other professions, coaching can be a rewarding and personally fulfilling way to make a living. Many coaches make all their income from coaching alone, while others will combine it with another role, like consulting, holistic therapies, personal training, being an instructor or trainer. If its an area of life where people have problems or challenges, then there’s an opportunity for a coach!

Whether paid for, or coaching in your day-to-day life, what all these situations have in common is that someone else has a problem, or a challenge that they are facing, and you can’t make that decision for them. That person needs to make a decision for themselves - you can simply support them to make the best decision for themselves. And that is what coaching is all about.

Sure, you could just tell them what to do, but this rarely works – humans are far more bought into an idea and likely to carry it out when they’ve thought-through and come up with it themselves.

Coaching, in fact, is very rarely about giving advice. While you may often be to see an obvious solution, or feel like you know what the other person should do, its not your problem to solve! In fact, it may even be a little arrogant to think that you know what is best for someone else, better than they do.

The nub of coaching is about questions – asking great, open questions which allows the coachee to think about something differently, to consider it from a new point of view, to explore a part of the problem that they haven’t noticed yet, which may just be where a solution is hiding. It’s about helping someone to find their own best solution, without wanting to sound like a hippy, but from their own ‘inner wisdom’, rather than from you.

NLP works with Open Questions a lot – these are questions which are focused solely on the answerer’s agenda, without trying to lead them down a certain path. They give the space and the opportunity for the answerer to explore the question and all possible answers (rather than a Closed Question just requiring a yes or no answer.) Open questions can explore relationships between things that the answerer previously thought were unconnected. They come without judgement and deepen the answerer’s understanding of themselves and the situation.

Some of the most impactful moments in my coaching career have been a long silence, left purposely unfilled, giving the coachee time to ponder the question at hand, reflect and find a new solution in the absence of any other noise. So sometimes, the skill is in staying silent rather than saying anything.

Of course, there’s much more skill to it than that. A great coach works to build rapport with their client from the start, earning the respect from, and connection with, their client that enables them to open up about what is important to them, and feel psychologically safe enough to explore new territory.

A capable coach will recognise patterns of behaviour, and can feed these back to the client, and where appropriate, support them to make a change of habit.

​There are many NLP processes which help to break old patterns of behaviour (like Breaking an Anchor) and install new patterns or new habits, like the New Behaviour Generator. 

A good coach will also be able to mirror back to the client energy levels, passion, values and beliefs that they may not be aware of.

More often than not, when a client comes to me with two choices, its clear from the outset which one they will choose, as their eye sparkle and their voice leaks passion in every phrase. Its just a case of helping them to smash through any barriers that are in their way, or to support them in dealing with anything holding them back – most commonly, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, feeling like they don’t deserve it, or fears over money or some other kind of safety.

Whatever your role in coaching others, the NLP Diploma lays the foundations of the skills that are needed to do it well – great coaching questions, how to listen really effectively, and tools and techniques to help people think differently.

At a deeper level, the course will help you to read between the lines of what people say into what is really going on for them, understand body language, pick up on incongruencies, and build really strong rapport. The course covers the skills to give feedback to others, how to support and challenge gently, and it is filled with opportunities to practice your skills so that you leave already feeling capable and confident.

The NLP Diploma makes up the first module of the 16-day long NLP Practitioner, which certifies you to practice as an NLP professional, or simply use your skills to help out family, friends and work colleagues.

During the course, you will often practice on topic in pairs or threes, enabling you to experience the coaching as a coach, as the coachee and as an observer. This triple perspective enables you to have a deeper insight into how the tools work. Multiple practice opportunities mean that by the time you’ve finished the course, you’ll feel confident to go out there and coach straight away.

If you are interested to find out more about the NLP Diploma, or Practitioner, contact me at cat@reachthepeak.co.uk or on 07757 542956. 

You can book your place right now at:
NLP 2-day Taster
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Change Your Life with NLP (4-day Diploma)

NLP Practitioner

• .Are you feeling burnt-out?
• Lacking in resilience?
• Lacking in purpose?
• Do you feel a bit stuck in a rut?
• Do you feel lost, or directionless?
• Do you feel as if something is missing, but you’re not sure what?
• Are you dissatisfied with your life?
• Feel like you don’t know what you want out of life?
• Burnt-out

If any of these apply to you, then it might be one of the reasons to study the NLP Diploma: to learn how to practise self-care. 

Self-care is very different for different people. It can even be very different for the same person at different times in their life, or in different situations. Sometimes, its all about a bubble bath, candles and a good book or favourite piece of relaxing music. For others, or at a different time, self-care might look more like making time for a run or a gym session. Sometimes its pizza and chocolate on the sofa, other times it's preparing a healthy, nutritious meal. 

The old saying is "You can't pour from an empty cup." Practising self-care is first of all about realising you need to do something that is going to fill your cup in that moment. And then secondly about choosing the most appropriate thing to do that will fulfil that need in this moment. 

Sometimes in life, we just feel a little bit stuck, or directionless. It’s not that there’s necessarily even anything WRONG, it just doesn’t feel quite RIGHT. This often happens when we’ve lost connection with what is important to us, what we’re passionate about, who we really are as people.

It might feel like you’d plodding along on the treadmill of life, but you can’t stop it, or get off, or even pause – if feels like you’re moving, but you’re when you look up for a moment, you’re stuck in the same place.

The NLP Diploma helps to find these answers – we explore our personal values, what makes us tick, what makes us feel connected, contented, peaceful. It can also teach you important skills to learn resilience. For me, resilience comes in two different types.

There’s right now, in-the-moment, the-shit-has-hit-the-fan challenges, where we need immediate resilience to deal with what is happening in front of us. This could be a difficult conversation with a colleague, friend or family member, or an incident that happens and needs to be dealt with, or even when we’ve got a lot of do in a short amount of time and feel overwhelmed.

And there’s also resilience over time, when we are faced with an energy-sapping, drawn-out difficult period. This could include things like health problems, a difficult boss or colleague that you have to work with, a relationship which is feeling a bit arduous, or financial problems. Sometimes, it can be nothing at all that we can pinpoint, but just a feeling of needing to keep on going but without much energy or joy.

Sometimes, we know it’s our career, or our relationship, or our lack of ME time, or our fitness levels that are causing us to feel a bit down in the dumps. Sometimes we don’t know what it is, just that it feels like something is missing or lacking.

Some of the coaching skills and questions covered on the course can help you to work out exactly what is going on for you, and start setting an outcome for how you want things to be different. You’ll explore where you might be feeling conflicts, both internal and external, and ways to feel more at peace.

When we feel stuck in a rut, this can often impact our mental health. The course looks at ways to manage or change your emotional state. This is immensely helpful in those situations in the moment, where you need more resilience, or confidence, or motivation, or even something like more calm.

Would you believe me if I said you are far more in control of how you feel than you currently think?

It’s true. You are able to take control of your emotional state in any given moment and change it to something that is more resourceful for you.  And the good news is there’s lots and lots of different ways to do this, so you’ve always got a little trick or tool available to you!

Emotional state management is based on one of the NLP Presuppositions: Your mind and your body are connected, if you change one, you’ll change the other. We explore this connection and look at how changing just one thing can make a huge different in the way that you feel.

This could be your body position, the language you use, your own internal self-talk, the way you think about something, the way you walk; (and lots more) can impact the way you feel about yourself. Even something as simple as changing your breathing speed can make a big difference.

Have you ever noticed how when you close your eyes and think about something scary, or overwhelming, it tends to a appear as a vision, right up close in front of your face? It fills your whole field of vision, and is bright and big and, well, in your face. No wonder it’s scary and overwhelming!

Even simple thinks like taking control of the image, and making it smaller, changing it to black and white, moving it away from you, can make a big difference to how you feel about it. You can even imagine folding up the picture, and putting it in a match box. You could toss the matchbox in the bin. Or out the window. (Make sure there’s a bin out the window too – we don’t want littering!)
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(Please note this course is not a substitute for professional help if that’s what is needed, but it can sit nicely alongside counselling, medication or one-to-one coaching, as well as for people who just need a bit of support.)

There are other elements to self-care too. One really important one is your mindset. When you’re feeling a little low or worn down, it can be easy to sink into a negative mindset. This then creates a spiral of despair, where everything seems negative.

One of the biggest long-term takeaways I’ve learnt from studying NLP is the NLP Presuppositions. These are a set of phrases which can become a way of thinking – they can make a really big difference in your approach to life, to forgiveness, to understanding (rather than defending) They are also sometimes referred to as the NLP Beliefs of Excellence.

One example is “There’s a positive intention behind every behaviour.” I’ve found that useful in so many situations. Firstly, it helped me to understand (and forgive) the boss I was working for, who I found really challenging and who had a big emotional impact on me. The saying helps you to look for the motivation behind the behaviour.

While that motivation may not necessarily have a positive intention for you, it WILL have a positive intention to the person doing the behaviour.

For my boss, my guesses were he often came across as rude and direct in his communication, as he himself was feeling under a lot of pressure and this helped him let off steam. He had a huge, high profile agenda dumped on him shortly after taking on the job which lead him to working long hours. He expected the same of his team (with little understanding of childcare, family, or sleep needs!) but this was likely because he wanted to deliver on his targets and couldn’t do it alone. It was the biggest thing in his life, and I don’t think he could understand that it wasn’t the biggest thing in other people’s.

So, while I’ve not been in his exact situation, I have certainly felt under pressure and may have let of steam in a way that came across as direct or rude, and I’ve certainly had big tasks to deliver and felt very alone trying to do it, and wished for support and not understood that someone else I was working with had other priorities.

On the NLP Diploma course, we spent time exploring the NLP Presuppositions and how they can help you change your mindset to be more positive. This bunch of phrases, and the meaning behind them has really made a big change in the way I approach difficult situations, and life in general!
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The other common topic in self-care is around boundaries. Many of us know we ‘should’ be doing more things to help us ‘fill up our cup’ (you can’t pour from an empty cup….) and we want to do more, but we then find ourselves without time, money, energy or all three! This is where setting boundaries can come in really handy. 

Whether that’s setting boundaries with yourself to make time for doing a hobby or exercise (one of mine is to put my phone aside at 8pm, get off Facebook and doing thing creative and/or relaxing, like crochet.)

Or it might be setting boundaries with someone else – a partner, your family, a friend, that a certain time of the week is for you to do your thing. In our house, it’s locked into the diary that Tuesday nights are for me to go to choir practice (something that is both uplifting and meditative for me) while Phil does bath and bedtime for Maisie. When there is something he wants to do, that time is locked in too.

It sounds really simple, but many people struggle setting and sticking to boundaries. This takes:

1. Knowing what you want/need to do for self-care (everyone is different) – sometimes a bit of self-discovery around what you need or value can be useful
2. Setting it as a goal and making a commitment to it yourself
3. Communication (if someone else is involved) to get the support you need to uphold the boundary
4. Accountability – holding yourself (and others) accountable to what you’ve agreed to do

​The NLP Diploma can help with all of these things – there are tools to help you understand your own values (and which ones aren’t currently being met.) There’s the Well-Formed Outcomes process that helps you to cement your goal. There’s lots on communicating with other people, and things like the NLP Feedback Process to help hold discussions around how it’s going. There’s also techniques like the New Behaviour Generator that can help you to mentally rehearse your new habit until it becomes a certainty it will happen, rather than just a dream or something on your wishlist. 

When I first did my NLP Diploma, I was in a place of needing some self-care and resilience. In fact, I probably should have sought more help and support, but the stigma of mental health leaves of absence in 2014 were unfortunately all too common. I was in a stressful job, having lost the love for it, feeling tearful, unhappy and overall, stuck. The relationship I was in at the time also wasn’t great – nothing majorly wrong, but nothing majorly right either. And just generally, I was feeling a bit lacklustre, a bit ‘meh.’

The problem was I didn’t really know what I wanted to do differently! After 4 days studying the NLP Diploma, I had gotten a great big kick up the backside. I wrote my letter of resignation on the day I finished the course and had significantly developed ideas for my own business combining the 2 things I’m passionate about, helping others, and mountains. The relationship improved with some self-awareness and increased communication (also due to the course content – but ultimately ended a year or so later – coinciding with my journey through NLP Master Practitioner!)

Your path will no doubt be different to this, but it’s a great example of how the course can help you find the confidence and courage to take action to make your own situation better. If you’re feeling any of these things:

• Stuck
• Directionless
• Stuck in a rut
• Burnt-out
• A bit ‘meh’
• In need of self-care

Then the NLP Diploma is a great opportunity for you to get what you need. Whether that a metaphorical kick up the backside to make the changes you’ve been thinking of but never getting around to. Whether it’s a big metaphorical hug of spending some time learning about yourself and what you truly want and need. Whether it’s the buzz of learning something new and interesting. Or whether it’s a wanting a connection with other fascinating individuals and the satisfaction of supporting others on a shared journey through the course.

If you are interested to find out more about how the NLP Diploma could help you discover your purpose, or to book your place now, contact me at cat@reachthepeak.co.uk or on 07757 542956.

You can book a place directly at Change Your Life with NLP (4-day Diploma)

• Are you a leader or manager and looking to develop your leadership skills?
• Do you wish you knew how best to motivate your team?
• Are you a leader who needs to set vision and direction?
• Do you need to influence upwards in your organisation?
• Would you love to discover the secrets to charisma and success?

If so, then you may be interested in Reason Number Two to Study for the NLP Diploma: Become a Better Leader.

(You can check out my previous blog post on Reasons to Study for the NLP Diploma Number One: Personal Development.)

Would you love to:

• Be able to adapt your communication style when needed to influence both upwards and downward
• Build strong rapport with your team
• Learn tools for having difficult conversations
• Give honest feedback that is well received and heard
• Understand more about the different perspectives and thinking styles in your team
• Understand your own strengths, weaknesses and preferences and how others may experience them.  
• Learn useful tools for strategy setting
• Get people on board with your vision and goals for your business
• Know how to motivate individual team members
• Have the self-confidence and courage to lead and believe in yourself

The NLP Diploma is a fantastic personal development course to help you become a better leader. In the rest of the article, I focus on some of the key issues facing leaders today:

• Imposter Syndrome and leading with confidence and courage   
• Influencing Stakeholders with the ability to adapt your communication style
• Managing a diverse team of people

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Many of our participants on the NLP Diploma course are wanting to improve their leadership and influencing skills in a work setting (although, it always comes in useful at home too!)

​As a leader, there are so many conflicting demands on your time. From managing, motivating, and inspiring your team, to keeping on top of your own workload, to influencing key stakeholders, to being up to date on the latest market trends or policies and laws. Plus everything else on your to-do list!

It can be really challenging to keep on top of it all, and particularly to feel like you’re doing it well. A recent study by KPMG found that a huge 75% of female executives, across all industries studied, have experienced Imposter Syndrome. From personal experience of coaching clients, males are not immune to Imposter Syndrome either.

Imposter Syndrome is the feeling of inadequacy or self-doubt that can beset even the most competent of leaders. Leaders that suffer with it often report the feeling that they are about to be ‘found out’ – that they aren’t actually capable of the job and that someone else will ‘discover’ them as an imposter at any moment.

At the very least, this can make for an unpleasant experience at work. At the most, it can cause crippling lack of confidence and self-esteem and cause incredibly skilled and valued leaders to quit their roles.

To be an authentic leader, you need to have confidence and courage in your convictions, while also acknowledging your short-comings and, where appropriate, showing your vulnerabilities.

That is where the NLP Diploma can help. Many of my students say that the biggest thing they came away from the course with was a new sense of self-confidence and clarity on their direction, whether that was business, career, or personal. They feel a sense of resilience and courage to follow through in their convictions.

The course covers how you can manage your emotional state when things are challenging, allowing your to stay level-headed and make decisions. We also look at the power of your unconscious mind, and how your conscious mind can sometimes distract you with red herrings and seemingly ‘logic’ – although these are often just excuses masquerading as logic instead and stem from our fears and worries.

We explore how you can tune into your gut feelings and inner confidence and ignore the sometimes unhelpful commentary and self-talk that goes on in your conscious mind.

Here are some quotes from leaders who have been on the course:

“The biggest change in my life has been the quiet confidence and feeling of self-worth. I now feel able to say no and walk away from situations that make me feel uncomfortable.”
“We talked about confidence issues and I learnt a number of tools and techniques to put in 'My Bag of Resilience.' I still use these techniques now.”

At its heart, NLP is about communication and human interaction, and this is what (nearly) every single business thrives on. You might be leading a team of people, you might need to influence key stakeholders, or you may need a deep understanding of your customer, and their drivers, motivators and habits. Perhaps you’re doing all three.

For any of these things, you need to be able to appreciate the individuality of people. What works for one person simply won’t work for someone else. The ability to flex your communication style (and content) is key to connecting with, and influencing the range of people you’re likely to come across in any organisation.

Where one stakeholder might just need the headlines to be able to get on board, another stakeholder might want to delve into all of the details. One colleague might prefer a phonecall to chat an idea through, while another prefers a written report or visual powerpoint to understand something. One team member might value lots of support and encouragement and a daily check-in, another person might experience this is micro-managing.
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Understanding people as individuals, including what they value, what motivates them, how they prefer to receive information, the level of detail they like to operate at, as well as knowing how to build rapport with a variety of people are all really important for a win-win outcome .

Have you ever heard the phrase “people join companies, but leave managers?” We join up to a company based on its vision, purpose and ethics, but we tend to leave jobs due to being badly managed, or having personality clashes with our supervisor or boss.

Perhaps you feel you don’t speak the same language as your boss? Or maybe your team don’t see things the same way as you? Or maybe just a few tweaks in your leadership gravitas could make a big difference?

One of the biggest challenges in any business is managing the people. Even when we follow the classic, although misguided, pattern of recruiting people just like ourselves, they still turn out to be their own individual person.

And if you’re able to recruit the kind of diverse team that is proven to bring greater business benefits, then this team will include different cultures, different ideas, different thinking and communication styles. Inevitably, this is then going to need a huge amount more flexibility of style to manage them all as individuals as well as a cohesive team.  

The NLP diploma can help improve your leadership and people management skills by exploring the human connection basics.

This includes things like the science behind how to build rapport, exploring different communication styles and preferences, and how to communicate in a style that ISN’T your preference.

The course helps you to understand what makes people tick – how you can inspire and motivate your team, and how you can bring people enthusiastically onboard with a vision and purpose, by expressing it in a way that can really be heard and resonate with everyone. It covers how to find out what someone values and to respect their ‘map of the world’ while also upholding your own values too.

One of the key tools you will learn on the NLP Diploma is the Feedback Model. This is a way to give constructive honest feedback, balanced with both positive and negatives and in a way that is well-received and encourages acceptance rather than defensiveness.

From the words you use, to the body language you display, to the energy and gravitas you portray, the NLP Diploma can help you to become a better, stronger, more people-connected leader with increased flexibility of style and approach.

Study the NLP Diploma to become a better leader.  

You can find out more about the course and book your place now at: Change Your Life with NLP (4-day Diploma)

If you’d like to chat it through, contact me at cat@reachthepeak.co.uk or on 07757 542956.

• Do you have a real interest in what makes people tick?
• Would you love to be more self-aware?
• Would you like to understand how you think, and how you process information?
• Would you like to further develop a mindset for greater happiness and success?
• Are you interested in your own personal development?
• Would you like to be the best version of yourself?

 
Let’s face it, we all secretly like to do the ‘which type are you’ personality questionnaires online or magazines. Some like to read a horoscope, telling you the intimate details of your desires and personality traits – and on each occasion at least some of it is true!
 
Who wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall at a conversation between two mutual friends, speaking about you? Or the dreaded wait for the report from the potential mother-in-law as to “what they thought” of you after a first meeting. It’s always interesting to hear other people’s thoughts about you, how you come across, how others perceive what you might be thinking or why you might be behaving a certain way.
 
Humans have a strong desire to understand themselves better – most people are fascinated to learn more about themselves, and importantly, how they can adapt to have more of what they desire. Whether that’s more influence with others, more impact in the world, more success in their goals, or more happiness in their life.
 
While the phrase ‘living your best life’ is overused and a bit…….on-trend…….and seems to involve standing on top of a lot of mountains with your arms in the air at sunrise, when you think about it, by understanding yourself better, you can actually do more of the things that make you happy, and forgive yourself for the habits you have that may feel frustrating. You can fulfil your own potential and live life on your own terms. Living, as some might call it, your best life. 

​You often hear the phrase – what makes you ‘tick’? This was one of the phrases that got me to sign up for my NLP Diploma course when I first started studying. I wanted to know what makes people ‘tick’. Giving it some thought, I’m not sure I really know what the phrase means.
 
A quick google of the meaning “What makes people tick?” revealed the following ‘meanings:

• the reasons for someone’s behaviour
• what motivates someone
• raison d'être (reason for being)
• the whys and wherefores
• someone's true colours
• the things that cause someone to behave a certain way: the feelings, opinions, concerns, etc., that are parts of someone's personality

It’s like a clock. What keeps the clock going round, ‘ticking’ all day, every day? What drives it? What’s going on behind those constantly moving hands?

When applied to people, it means: “what do I need to know about that person to understand their situation and motivations?”

And it’s nearly always used about someone else when they seem a little mysterious and you want to delve into the inner workings of their mind.
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For example:
“I don’t get Dave, sometimes he’s nice, sometimes he’s an idiot, sometimes he’s brilliant and sometimes he’s a total mugwumple. One of these days I’m going ask him about his life story, find out what makes him tick.”
 

The NLP Diploma focuses a lot on understanding people – initially from a personal perspective, self-awareness and understanding yourself. And, with the knowledge that other people therefore, may be different from you. These differences are often the source of frustrations, disgruntlement and arguments. More on this in my upcoming blog about “Studying NLP for Improving Relationships”
 
By learning how we take in information, process it and make meaning from it, we can then choose how we want to learn things, how we communicate, and gain understanding as to why we may find somethings easy, or challenging. We can then learn ways to adapt and flex what we do to make things easier, be more successful and communicate more effectively.
 
We also run a large number of patterns – behaviours, habits, ways of reacting – that can either help us, or hinder us. Too often, we dismiss these as 'just the way I am’ and feel we are stuck with these habits. In fact, with NLP, there is huge scope to stop our unhelpful patterns, or improve our successful ones to change our habits and behaviours to be more useful.
 
So, Reasons to Study the NLP Diploma Number One - is a fantastic opportunity for personal development, self-awareness and personal change. And you can finally find out: “What makes you tick?” (whatever that means…..)
 
For more information on the NLP Diploma course and to book your place now, visit: Change Your Life with NLP (4-day Diploma)

The NLP Diploma is the first module in the NLP Practitioner programme - more info about that here: NLP Practitioner

When I did my NLP Diploma, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to get out of it. I just knew I was drawn to do it:

• I knew some people I really liked and admired who had done the course and loved it - these people just had 'something about them' and I wanted it!
• I was unhappy with my current life/work situation but didn't know where to go or what to do
• I was fascinated by people: how they think, how they act, what makes them tick, and how to connect with others on a deeper level

​So what is an NLP Diploma and how can it help me?

The NLP Diploma holds answers you don't even know you're looking for yet.

Without meaning to come across all mystical, it’s really hard to say what you'll take away from the course, because it depends so much on what you're bringing!

Even if you come with one particular outcome in mind, you'll almost definitely discover additional outcomes along the way.

Some outcomes that previous delegates have left with are:

• changing career/starting own business/securing promotion
• deepening relationships with kids/parents/significant others
• improving performance at work
• being a better manager/leader
• coaching others, either professionally, or family and friends
• improving physical and mental health
• increasing resilience, confidence and self-esteem
• learning all about people and how they function, think and communicate

Whatever your outcome, the course will enable you to discover more about what interests you, learn some exciting new tools and techniques, and deepen your personal development.

The next course is coming up in just a month’s time! Start 2023 off with a bang!

Friday 20th - Monday 23rd January 2023

You can sign up right now: Change Your Life with NLP (4-day Diploma)

You can join for the first 2 days as a Taster, or complete the full 4-day course to gain your NLP Diploma certificate. The course also forms the first module of the NLP Practitioner course – the other 3 modules are running throughout the spring. 

I’ll admit, NLP is one of the worst-named things ever. No-one seems to know what it stands for, or means (Neuro-Linguistic Programming – which means very little to anyone, and sounds like something to do with computers!) So let me break it down for you.

What actually it is?
NLP is a type of coaching, personal development and for some, a way of being. It is used in many different fields, including:

• personal development
• communication training
• business/executive coaching
• sales
• sports coaching (including being used by Olympians)
• entertainment (think Derren Brown among others)
• life coaching
• mediation
• therapy, including PTSD/depression/anxiety/stress/trauma
• health and wellbeing
• presentation/speaker training
• relationship coaching
• addiction treatment

The Name - Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Neuro – NLP looks at what goes in inside your head – how your brain receives and processes information and how this impacts your personality, memories, behaviour and experience. It also affects how we communicate with others, and how sometimes we can experience exactly the same event but come away with completely different memories of it.

Linguistic – the words we use, both with others and in our internal dialogue have a huge impact on our happiness and success. When we make small changes to the language we use, it can make huge differences to our impact in the world. Linguistics also looks at our body language and how we can position ourselves to feel more confident, more powerful, more friendly, more of anything you want!

Programming – as human beings, we run off a number of ‘programmes’ – ways of doing things that are repeated time and again. We will have programmes for tasks such as brushing our teeth, making a cup of tea, driving a car. We also run programmes for emotions, like how we do anger, or sadness or joy. Our programmes are our habits – when they serve us well, great – nothing needs to change. However, we all have some habits that are not serving us and NLP can help change these. (from biting nails to taking things too personally to comfort eating, and everything in between, NLP can help.)

Reasons you might want to join the NLP Diploma course:
Participants join the NLP Diploma for lots of different reasons. Here are just a few of them:

• Personal development – understanding yourself better
• Leadership Development – developing your leadership skills and become a better leader
• improve your relationships – with partner, kids, parents, etc.
• Learn how to practice self-care - getting out of being stuck in a rut, or finding some direction or purpose in life and looking after yourself
• Achieving your goals – any goal - health, fitness, hobbies, business etc
• Learn how to coach others - whether you already have coaching skills or not, NLP is a great discipline to add to your toolbox. 

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be exploring each one in detail and explaining how the NLP Diploma could help you. 

In the mean time, if this already sounds really interesting already, sign up now! 

Change Your Life with NLP (4-day Diploma)
​NLP Practitioner

The NLP Practitioner course is packed full of tools and techniques that you can use in everyday life with yourself, and for coaching others. The whole course is a fantastic delve into your own self-awareness, and for many it’s a journey of deep personal transformation and change, building confidence and self-belief and discovering who you really are.

Here are just 1 of the incredibly powerful techniques you’ll learn on an NLP Practitioner Course – a fabulous technique to improve your relationships with NLP. You will, at the very least, get insight into the relationship and understand the dynamics of what is going on, and you’re likely to be able to improve it, deepen it, and/or resolve feelings of conflict or disagreement.

Perceptual Positions
The Perceptual Positions technique is a fabulous way to step into someone else’s shoes and appreciate their perspective on a situation. It can be used for a variety of different situations; it could be a relationship between two people where there is a problem, perhaps an ongoing argument, or difference of opinions. Or it could be a relationship that is going really well, and you’d like to deepen it further, understand the other person more, and delve into the dynamics of the relationship.

And it could be any type of relationship:

• a romantic relationship,
• parent/child relationship,
• co-parenting relationship (whether together or separate)
• with a boss or superior
• with team mates
• a friendship
• or any other relationship between two beings

I’ve even seen it used to help a phobia of spiders, as an exploration between the person afraid and the spider’s point of view – apparently spiders are a lot less scary once you’ve considered their perspective!

I’ll use this spider example as fun way to bring the process to life.
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The process is traditionally done by arranging two chairs, or positions, in a way that represents the relationship – this could be facing each other, sat next to each other, or on different sides of the room, whatever feels right to the person being coached. As I do a lot of my coaching while out walking, I’ve also regularly done this process walking along. As always with NLP coaching, flexibility to meet the needs of the client in front of you is key!
to edit.

Like any NLP process, you start with some consideration of the outcome you would like to get from exploring the relationship – this could be simply to get more insight into the relationship without wanting to change anything, or it could be to improve a difficult situation, consider someone else’s’ point of view, or resolve a difference of opinion. At this point, there should be an ecology check – who will be impacted by doing this, and how? And are you ok with that?

Its also worth noting at this point, that you cannot change how anyone else behaves, you can only change yourself, the way you behave, your thought process and reactions. This may have some knock-on impact in the way the other person behaves, but you cannot directly change it! The coaching is for you – not the other person.

It could help:

• Change the way you think and act, or react, around that person – this may indirectly improve the interactions
• Provide food for thought to hold a conversation with the other person and discuss the situation
• Change your mind once you’ve truly considered the other view
• Give clarity on the next steps to resolve the situation.
• Deepen the connection and feeling of shared understanding with the other person

Once the outcome and ecology conversation has taken place, you’re ready to move into the process itself.

Firstly, you take account of your own point of view on the situation. Take a seat in the relevant chair. This is called the First Position. Questions to guide this again vary between Practitioner and also to suit each individual client, but start by orientating yourself into the situation and imagine you are there with the other person. To make this real for your senses, you might consider, when you’re there with the other person in this situation, what do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel?
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So, for the spider example, this might involve you standing on a chair, cowering, looking down at the floor, and seeing the spider on the floor (quite possibly also cowering), hearing yourself shrieking and feeling an irrational sense of terror. 

Next, you may take some consideration of the problem situation, the outcome you’d personally like, and what is important to you about this outcome, or this relationship as a whole.

For the spider example, this might be something like, you want to not get eaten alive by spiders, or you’d like to feel more comfortable around spiders and find a way to live harmoniously with them. This might be important because you want to feel calm and safe in your own home.

A nice way to finish this section of the process is to consider a gift you’d like to give the other person. This could be a physical gift, a piece of advice, or something you’d like them to know.
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In the spider example, you might let them know its nothing personal, you’re just scared of spiders and you don’t know why. Or you could give them a little woolly hat to make them look more friendly. You’ll find your unconscious mind comes up with some random, but often meaningful gifts at this point!

This is part one completed for now, and a good time to take a break state – move around, shake it off, drink some water, as next, you’re going to step completely into the other person’s shoes and perspective – into Second Position.

If you’re using chairs, its helpful to physically move into the other chair, to give yourself some spatial separation. Its important to note at this point, that you’re trying to embody the other person as accurately as possible. It can be helpful to take on some of their mannerisms, or gestures, or way of holding themselves to help you get into their mindset.

You’re not trying to do a caricature of them, or mocking impression – you’re simply trying to step into their shoes and get a true ‘sense’ of them.  To fully associate, the client should use ‘I’ statements as if they were the other person, eg. I see this, I hear that….. rather than ‘He sees this, she hears that.

Of course, you can’t possibly know for sure what they are thinking in the situation, but you can make a good guess. It might be that they’ve told you, or you’ve heard from other people what they think, or it might be that you can just make a good guess as to what you would think if you were in their situation.

You’re then essentially going to go through the same set of questions, but considering them from the other person’s point of view. So, as the spider, what do you see, hear and feel? Well, you’re seeing a terrified looking person, towering above you on a chair, with a shoe in their hand, shrieking their head off at a deafening volume.

​You’re probably feeling pretty scared yourself, so you’ve either frozen in place, or trying to make a run for it to the nearest place of safety.
What do you, as the spider, want from this interaction and why is it important? Well, you’d quite like for people not to be scared of you, and you’d quite like to go about your daily business catching flies without being screamed at. Why is this important? Well, perhaps you’d like to feel safe in your own home. 

You’ll notice this set of questions taps into values, which we cover on the NLP Diploma, and in greater depth on Practitioner. What’s important about that? At this point in the process, its common for the client to notice that actually, they share some of the same values with the other person in the relationship. Both the spider and the client want to feel safe in their home. This alignment, whether noticed consciously or not, can bring a feeling of connection and rapport for the client with regards to the other person. This is an important base point for negotiation and resolution.

Finally in this section of the process, as the spider, you give a gift to the other person. This could be something you want them to know, like you don’t bite, or eat people in their sleep, and that you are really good at keeping the house free of flies. Or that you find it really frightening when they scream, and stomp about on a chair and that you don’t mind being gently put outside under a glass, instead of being bashed to death with a shoe.  

Part Two completed, its time for another break state, as you step out of being the other person, and shake it off.

The next stage of the process is to consider the Third Position. I normally find it help to have this position at some distance to the interaction – they might be a passerby glancing in through the window, or someone sat at another table in the café – they are not at all involved in the interaction or situation, and don’t know the parties involved. It helps the client step outside of any strong emotions and to give insight into the dynamics at play from a neutral standpoint.

So, the client steps into this Third Position, into the passerby’s shoes and answers just a few similar questions. Firstly, what do they see, and hear? You don’t ask the passerby about their feelings, as they don’t really have any feelings worth taking into account, as they are neutral. You can also ask the passerby what it looks like might be going on, and if they could give any advice to the person in first position, what would it be?

This is essentially the client, in the shoes of the passerby, giving themselves some advice. (Remember, the passerby doesn’t give advice to the person in second position, as they are not the person getting the coaching, only the person in first position can make any changes.)
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For the spider example, this could be a squirrel in the garden, looking in to see a terrified person on a chair and an equally terrified spider on the floor, and could give the advice to the person on the chair that, as they are much bigger and more frightening, perhaps they could be the one to help the spider feel less scared. 

For the final stage of the process, the client returns once more to First Position, taking their original seat, except this time they have all the learnings and insight they have gained from the other positions. You can repeat the same questions as in the first round, with an additional question inviting the client to note what has changed.

As with all coaching processes, its useful to step outside of the process, into a coach/client conversation and allow the client time to reflect on and process what they’ve learnt, and discuss any changes or actions they are going to take.

As a summary of the steps:

1. Outcome and ecology check
2. First Position – client as themselves, with regards to the situation.
   1. What do you see?
   2. What do you hear?
   3. What do you feel?
   4. What is going on?
   5. What outcome would you like?
   6. What’s important to you about the relationship, or resolving the situation?
   7. If there was a gift you’d like to give, what would it be?
3. Break state
4. Second Position – client fully associates into the other person’s shoes.
   1. Answer the questions as above, using ‘I’ statements as if you were speaking as the other person
5. Break State
6. Third Position – client fully associates into a passerby’s shoes
   1. What do you see?
   2. What do you hear?
   3. What do you think might be going on?
   4. If you could give any advice to the first person, what would  it be?
7. Return to First Position – the client as themselves, with all the insight from the other positions – repeat the same questions as above and add something like:
   1. What do you notice has changed?
   2. What new insight do you have?
8. Break state, step out of the process and allow the client the opportunity to reflect and discuss their learnings and any actions to take.

So there you have it, an incredibly powerful process to improve your relationships using NLP!

If you’re interested in learning more, check out our NLP Practitioner course.